A little over three years ago, when I first began my own incredible journey of inner exploration, there was one thing in particular that I had to square away within myself. At the time, I called it ‘healing the oldest wound’, and it had to do with a particular childhood experience that left me feeling unworthy and unlovable for most of my life.
In exposing that wound, and bringing loving attention to it, there was an opportunity for deep inner healing and a complete letting go. That experience then gave rise to a profound spiritual awakening. It also created an opportunity for immense closeness between myself and all those involved. It went beyond forgiveness, because there was really nothing to forgive. Rather, it was the relinquishing of a false idea – the idea that I wasn’t loved.
I bring this up now, because so many of us are also carrying around childhood wounds, and ancient hurts that overshadow our daily experience of life. They may be so deeply ingrained in our subconscious psyche that we aren’t even aware of the power they have over us. And yet they haunt us wherever we go, leaving us in a protected, contracted state that has no capacity for vulnerability or sincerity with ourselves or with anyone else.
The dominant sense of unworthiness and unlovability that govern such a life become an invitation for disaster – because, of course, as unworthy and unlovable people, a life of disaster is what we deserve. It is our punishment, our penance, our karma. The more suffering we can visit upon ourselves, the better we feel – because our suffering has become our identity and we can’t imagine who we’d be without it.
Not one iota of that imaginary storyline is true though! Not the original story of unworthiness, or the ones that we may be using to reinforce our sense of unworthiness today! Every being, no matter who you are, what you’ve been through, or what you’ve done, is worthy of love! It is your birthright, your sacred inheritance, to have love, find love, and be love! But we must be willing to claim what is rightfully ours if we are to have it!
This does not mean charging out into the world with indignant, self-righteous anger, demanding the love that we so desperately seek. That’s just another call for more suffering. It means that we must do the difficult work of learning how to love ourselves. We must step back from the void of unworthiness and recognize that we are indeed worthy of love, and then we must begin tapping into the inner reservoir of our own hearts to fill us with that love.
I can tell you from experience that this kind of shift isn’t east. In fact, it was the most painful and traumatic chapter of my life. It took months of radical self honesty, bathed in an outpouring of heartache and tears, before things finally began to settle down and open up. But I would not give back a single moment of it. Not now. Not knowing what I know today. I am at peace, living a life that reflects my inner world. And I can tell you, without a doubt, that it is completely and totally worth it!
If there is something here, in this message, that tugs at your own heartstrings, or that brings your own, unacknowledged sense of unworthiness to the surface, then I invite to to meet it with every ounce of courage and bravery that you can muster. There is no moment but this moment, and any delay in taking action is just going to have the same consequences they’ve had every other day that you’ve chosen to ignore your own unhealed wounds. Now is the time to reclaim who you truly are!
May you find peace in your own life; the unsurpassed peace of love’s perfection.
~From the Heart of Bradley